Taking it slow/sticking to it/consistency
Does that mean that you just do less of it, and less involved/passion/interest but it just lasts a longer time? Or does it mean that I’m just not cut out for it for certain things?
I’ve always been very bad with repetition. I lose interest really fast on things. Again, I guess I’m not being honest with myself, I tell myself that I enjoy it to keep on going with it, when I don’t. And by the time I realize that it’s not anything like it was when I started, I’ve just tricked myself so far that I hate it?
Is taking things slow or being consistent and sticking to things even one in the same?
I know that taking slows requires sticking to things, and being consistent but either one can require the other two.
Weird. I grew up looking up to those people who can stick to things. Maybe because I’m weak at it? And doing it the wrong way?
Maybe it’s because it’s the only thing my mom says she ever taught me, and I care a lot about what they say. More than what I think…
I need to improve on this. I need to again, be honest with my own feelings and just base them off of that. I’m mature enough now to not be ashamed for what my habits/preferences are. Some things are habits I guess… time will be a key factor to fixing it. Little bit at a time… take it slow
boom.
Life. Why you so….. lol
So yeah I feel all numb inside. Life’s so complicated I just don’t want to give a shit about anything, and not get upset.
But owing money to the wrong people is not fun. And working with those same people that pretty much messed up your life.
I had a talk with the current CEO I work at… he told me I was naive and stupid. That’s all too correct. I trust people a little too much.
I hope lesson is learned. Last couple days in Toronto… what a werid couple months… *sigh*
blah
Ready… for school lol
So yeah, woke up at around 5:30 when sleeping at like 2:00
How often do I wake up within a couple hours right after I go to sleep? Never, except for now this one time lol.
Anyways, in those short hours I had this amazing dream that signifies a lot. There’s a little back story to this, I found out yesterday that I’m going back to school in September to continue my studies.
So the importance of this dream, that it’s one that’s happened before, but the result is very, very different.
First Time:
I guess it’s the start of a new school year or something. I was supposed to go to the elevator. I find myself running to it, jumping up and grabbing the inner ledge, and accidentally ripping off the little ornamental piece of drywall that seemed to have just been glued there. There’s a bunch of people all filling into an elevator, many beautiful girls :) I see somebody from my high-school that I was on good terms with. He started introducing himself around, but I didn’t say hi.
Getting out on the floor that I’m supposed it seems that I’m at my res floor. I walk around to find my room shared with 3 other guys. It seems to be some form of military school.
So lots of time passes and I regret everything that I did, and I walk past this single-person room. The room is very calm, peaceful, and everything I want… the guy’s life.
Second dream:
I’m rushing into the elevator, ripping the same drywall and I see the same high-school classmate. This time I say hello, and the guys getting off on the same res floor all get to know each other. I walk down the hallway towards the shitty room, do a double take on the room I just passed because my name was on this side room. I am SO HAPPY!
It’s exactly the way it was as the other guy had it at first glance. My high-school friend comes in to take a look as I’m still stepping into the room. I turn around to express my happiness, and we hear this somebody practising on a badly tuned guitar. I turn around to see my best friend, David. I didn’t know he was a part of this.
We start screaming … :)
There’s a couple details I left out, and a lot of this dream has a lot of symbolism, but not enough time to discuss all of them atm :P
I think this signifies the changes in my life, and it almost seems like a second time around, and I’m much more comfortable this time around. I felt alone the first time around and everything was unfamiliar, but this time instead of wanting the new and not noticing and appreciate the familiar I have, I have it with me, because it was there all along. Now I realize why it’s important and that I needed it.
Alright, time to make a BLT sandwich for breakfast!
I love that shit.
Something’s out of place
I slept at 9pm last night because I was exhausted, but woke up at 1 am and now have been just thinking about the future of life
I really feel right now how different my outlook is than before.
I understand myself better and what I want to do.
Short term goals:
Keep up with the workouts
Keep learning
Keep reading “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie
Work with more focus
Start understanding my own time management better and get a second job and hopefully eventually do some part time school.
I really need to get a start on that personal site/blog
too bad boli.com is owned by like aegon becuase boli means bank-owned life insurance lol
I have big plans for it.
Going to build the backend in RoR and do lots of cool front end work :)
Economics/business and finance is starting to seem very interesting, even though I don’t like money and capitalism.
But I guess I can’t do much about it right now.
I also realized how important it is to know how to survive in the wild. I’m going to start doing some research on how to make an axe, chop wood, and make a house.
How to hunt lol.
Who knows what america is going to do? I’m honestly just going to run away into the woods if there’s a war. I’m not down to kill anybody/be killed.
anyways here I am at 7:35 AM.
Have to fix my laptop in an hour before the parents and I head over to the “cottage” lol haha
I plan on finishing my work, catching up on my cousera, take a nap and read some of my book. Maybe watch an episode of this drama I recently started watching called “Jia you gong po” lol
Yep :)
All while in the woods, with lake mississippi close by.
I’ve never liked music like this, but I like this, a lot… Things have been changing recently. I’ve been really lost and don’t understand really what’s going on. One friend told me at the start of this term when i was telling her about how happy I was this term with all the things going on and how life was, that it’s okay to be unhappy.
I’m okay.
I really do see a difference tho. The smile I took so long to develop doesn’t really exist anymore. I still laugh tho, but things are… duller.
It’s okay I guess. I’ll get by and hopefully one day I’ll be able to get back that smile.
I think the biggest thing that comes to mind is that I don’t enjoy my music as much anymore. That’s why it was a surprise that I liked this, especially this. lol. Taste’s changing?
My company is doing better though, for now. Still a lot of obstacles coming up, and a lot to do. That’s good.
Let’s just get through this… I want to get inspired and excited about life again. I’m in a rut atm. I really don’t want to be, but I guess I don’t have a choice. I guess it’s times like this that show how strong-willed you are if you can do everything still.
until next time…
leggo
life
life is good, if you choose it to be so. So glad for the people around me and in my life. So glad for what I have. Awesome experiences and awesome memories created. Thank you everybody for being awesome. And once again, happy birthday Celina. Hope you remember it :)
